His Majesty’s Birthday

I usually telephone my reporting senior and oberste Feldherr Kaiser Wilhelm II on his birthday, January 27, to offer my best wishes.  But His Majesty is fond of surprises.  This year, he gave me quite a surprise.

A fortnight earlier, on January 8, I received a peremptory telegram from Berlin: “Report to His Majesty January 26 at Nordholz.”  That set off a wild scramble.  I grabbed the first train from Cleveland to New York, where to my great good fortune our Doppelschifffschrauberturbinenschnellpostdampfer (H.L. Mencken’s favorite German word) Kronprinz Wilhelm was sailing for Hamburg that evening.  I informed the captain that I was a General Staff officer traveling on personal orders from His Majesty the Kaiser and he poured on the coal.  We made it into Hamburg with time to spare, and a quick train ride took me to Nordholz.  When the Imperial train pulled in on the 26th, I was on the platform.

Nordholz is the great base of German naval aviation.  Located close to the North Sea (and Britain), its heart is an astounding, vast hanger that holds two Zeppelins and revolves.  To see something that big move is quite astonishing.  The purpose is to enable the navy to launch airships regardless of the direction of the wind.  Getting a Zeppelin out of its shed in a crosswind is not something anyone tries a second time. 

After greeting His Majesty on the railway platform and offering my best felicitations on his coming birthday, I asked where we were off to the next day by Zeppelin.  I expected a raid on London.  We and the Brits still bomb each other in heaven, but the bombs contain food rather than explosives.  Still, a six-hundred pounder filled with with Teewurst makes an impression on Whitewall.

“We are going to Hell,” the Kaiser answered.

“Which Hell does Your Majesty have in mind?” I asked.

“If it’s the one in Washington, I’d just as soon stay here.  I’ve seen enough of that one to last a lifetime.”

“Which Hell?  The real Hell, of course.  I want you to hear what the master strategist Satan is up to, and I want you to hear it direct from him.”

Great, I thought.  From an America going to hell in a hand basket I’ve come to Germany to go to Hell in a Zeppelin.  Max Hoffman to the contrary, life on the General Staff is not all sausages and Champagne.

The next morning the Imperial party boarded L11, with Kaleu Mathy as ship captain, a reassuring choice.  Strasser wanted us to fly with him on L70, but His Majesty wisely declined.  “That didn’t work out too well last time, Peter,” the Kaiser reminded the old jinx.  His Majesty gave the order “Up ship!” And we rose majestically in the cool morning air.  It was nice to be flying as God intended, not in a cigar tube that falls out of the sky if the engines fail.

Out of His Majesty’s hearing, I quietly asked Kaleu Mathy how our hydrogen was likely to react to Hell’s flames.  “You have forgotten your Dante, Herr Oberst,” he replied. “Hell is cold.”

Cold it was, bitter cold, worse than Cleveland in January.  We had picked up our guide, Virgil, in Limbo, and he wisely was wrapped in more than a toga.  Our journey ever downward was swift, far swifter than Dante’s; he was walking and we sailed through the fumes that passed for air.  The engines didn’t like them much but being Maybachs they kept running.

“Won’t Satan and his devils spot us?” I asked Virgil.  “We’re not exactly small.”

“Fear not,” he replied.  “With all the politicians raining on Hell these days, no one will pay attention to one more giant gasbag.”

Even through Hell’s frigidity, as frigid as a female fighter pilot, my first sight of Satan frozen in the ice pierced me like a dagger from Mordor.  Mortals are not meant to see such sights.  We cut the engines and we drifted in close.  “Good timing,” the Kaiser said to me.  “He’s lecturing a group of new Joint Staff officers on Hell’s strategic plan.”  I did know service on the Joint Staff was hell; now I knew why.

“Like all good plans,” the Devil began, “my strategic plan is simple.  No matter what course humans choose, what path they take, what door they open in the world I own, they come to me.  Do they embrace politics on the Left as a way to help the poor?  I have twisted that desire into Marxism, the destroyer of churches.  Do they turn to the Right?  I smeared all that was good there with the mud of fascism and Naziism.  Thank you for your good help Herr Hitler.”  Satan nodded to the Fuhrer, who was sharing an eternal plate of gefiltefisch with Stalin and Roosevelt.  The Fuhrer did not look pleased.

“Perhaps they seek to find the good causes such as environmentalism or ‘animal rights’,” the Devil continued, munching on a PETA member.  “I am twisting environmentalism into the most anti-human ideology yet conceived, and I use pets to absorb the love people should have for their own kind.”

“Of course, most humans, sheep without wool that they are, just follow the herd in seeking pleasure and entertainment.  The sensual pleasures, carried now to such extremes as to know no limits, have always been mine.  In consumerism, I have built a world economy on the sin of covetousness.”

“Even many of the Enemy’s churches are now mine.  Instead of worshipping Him Whom We Name Not, they tell the poor fools who go there, “We’re all about you.  We want to make you feel good about yourself!”  And so instead of the Enemy they worship themselves.

“Even this might not have given me victory.  But Hell Laboratories have in recent years created what philosophers call a meta-level:  the Internet, to give it its true name.  Now, whatever poor mortals seek, they seek through their computers, phones, and the Internet, which is to say me.  So powerful is this tool, whereby the image displaces the Word, there can be no escape.  Conditioning through images and, soon, through HL’s latest brilliant stroke, genetic engineering, will destroy human free will altogether.  And that will be my final victory, for it will mean that when the Enemy returns to Earth, there will be no creatures made in His own image there to meet him, at least not among the living.”

Smirking in self-satisfaction, Satan asked, “Any questions?”

Far in the back, a small claw rose tentatively into the icy miasma.  “Yes?” The Devil indulged.

A very junior imp, probably a National Guardsman, ventured, “Sir, what if people just decided to go back, you know, just dumped all the technology and ideologies and the rest of the modern stuff and returned to the old ways of living?  I think there are some people who do that, called the Amish.  If lots of people started doing it, how would your strategy work?”

With a snarl of rage, Satan lashed out, grabbed the offending imp, and bit his head off.  “Any more questions?” The Devil asked.  Most Joint Staff officers knew never to ask questions.

“That’s it, time to head home,” His Majesty ordered.  Kaleu Mathy dumped water ballast, the engines kicked over, the elevators swung and L11 rose fast, as only a Zeppelin can.  Virgil thanked us for a much easier trip than his last one — the Kaiser graciously offered to send the airship whenever he wanted to travel — and in no time we were dropping the landing lines at Nordholz.

“A most instructive trip,” I said to the Kaiser.  “I can truly say I’ve been to Hell and back.”

“Just wait until next year!” His Majesty replied.  Der Reise Kaiser indeed!


Interested in what Fourth Generation war in America might look like?  Read Thomas Hobbes’ new future history, Victoria.

22 thoughts on “His Majesty’s Birthday”

  1. Hey Lind, this comment is off topic and unrelated to your post – how does it feel knowing that your politics contributed to the mindset of someone who shot a bunch of kids?

    “Just what is “Political Correctness?” Political Correctness is in
    fact cultural Marxism (Cultural Communism) – Marxism translated from
    economic into cultural terms.” -Anders Behring Breivik

    “Just what is Political Correctness? The “Politically Correct” people
    on your campus really, really don’t want you to know the answer to that
    question. Why? Because Political Correctness is nothing less than
    Marxism translated from economic into cultural terms.” -William S. Lind

    I mean, do you think people have to take responsibility for their views? Do you think your ideological bent; of projecting hatred towards “the other side” of politics, rather than attempting genuine communication and resolution; is an innately oppositional viewpoint?

    Do you think that by taking the viewpoint of commanders and generals, and applying it to politics – makes you responsible for the damaged state of political discourse? The mindset of certain people and groups? The alt-right, ect ect…

  2. When an evil man says that 2 + 2 is 4, the fact of his evilness does not detract from the truth of the assertion.

    When another man says that 2 + 2 is 4, he doesn’t share in the least the evilness of the former.

  3. …and when one guy writes “These lefties are actually secret communist conspirators, they’re ruining the world and we need to organize armed right wing militias and enact guerilla warfare against them” (See Lind’s ‘Victoria: A Novel of 4th Generational Warfare’ for details) – and another guy reads the first guy, quotes his political writings in his own manifesto (as Breivik did), then enacts the decree… I think the first guy should feel pretty shitty with himself and reconsider his world view and his part in recommending such a course in the first place.

  4. You may want to check the dates:
    – Anders Breivik committed terrorist attacks in 2011
    – William Lind published “Victoria” in 2014
    Chances that this novel inspired Breivik in his crimes do seem slim to me 🙂 …

  5. Please check more thoroughly. The very link that you provides states that: “On April 30, 1995, William S. Lind published an op ed in The Washington Post that foresaw a future breakup of the United States, driven by multiculturalism (…) Mr. Lind’s op ed has since been turned into a book, Victoria: A Novel of Fourth Generation War”

    – That book dates from November 2014. Check it here: https://www.amazon.fr/Victoria-Novel-4th-Generation-English-ebook/dp/B00PNU8XFG

    – As for Lind’s original op ed, you can find it here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/opinions/1995/04/30/understanding-oklahoma/a03eb6e2-14df-434a-b6cb-d355aaf5f587/?utm_term=.821660fd5540
    Check in that column for “marxism” or “political correctness”. You won’t find them.

    Regarding Breivik’s essay, I haven’t read it – have you? What I gathered at the time of his crimes is that it’s very long, very convoluted, and quotes the names of a great many authors. If William Lind is among the hundreds whose name Breivik drops in order to attempt presenting an intellectual figure, that is no more on Lind than on any of the hundreds others.

  6. Like a guy shooting at republican reps and senators? Does Bernie, Obama, HRC have check fire their comments? How about the guy in Roseburg, Oregon? You’re a mental midget.

  7. Yes, the text you’re quoting is from the page that contains the online sample chapters of the book (I believe the first 2 thirds of the book are available at the page you’re quoting)… this dates back to 1995, as you can see in this screenshot of a customized google search (if you make a similar search, you’ll see the same):


    So that rather plainly shows that the first 2 thirds of the book (ie. https://www.traditionalright.com/victoria/) have been published on this website since 1995. I hope that settles that as a fact.

    I have read some of Breivik’s manifesto, it is available online here: https://info.publicintelligence.net/AndersBehringBreivikManifesto.pdf

    The term “Cultural Marxism” – which Lind has been popularizing most of his career and remains the focus of his work; first appears in the manifesto on page 3, and reccurrant through out (there are thousands of usages in the manifesto). This is again; undeniable.

    William S. Lind was a huge influence Anders Behring Breivik.

  8. From what I know about Kaisereich Deutschland, it seemed a reasonably decent place in which to live, certainly more so than any of its successor states. If the United States had not intervened, it seems Germany would have won, counting a stalemate as winning. No Hitler, maybe no Communist revolution in Russia, restoration of infrastructure and trade the common priority of all countries.

    Any God or Goddess who fails to damn Woodrow Wilson, ought Himself or Herself be damned; and I invite the reader to imagine the aftermath of a God or Goddess having been damned.

  9. You’re pretending there was no manifesto attached? He’s on record as saying the killings were to help promote the political text which quotes Lind. That’s his explicit and self confessed motivation.

  10. Dear Mr Lind, as a reader of your works I admire you, not the least for your sympathy with us Germans and the emperor. The best scene of Victoria seemed to me to be that one when Gouverneur Kraft puts on his Pickelhaube first time.

    If only our emperor would have not failed in 1918! Imagine him having died a hero´s death at Arras in October 1918, as so many brave men did! Monarchy might have been restored at the latest ten years later, and today we could live in a country with an abundance of tramways, Zeppelins and Doppelschraubenturbinenschnelldampfern.

  11. No manifesto, shooter had aspergers and was obsessed with school shootings. His mother had a collection of guns she kept loaded…

    …so yes, I do think the mother should bare some responsiblity. People who fuel these actions materially and ideologically should consider their influence and the beliefs they spread.

  12. The problem with Breivik was not that he regarded pc as cultural marxism but that he took a gun and murdered 77 people. As far as I know nobody advised him in doing so. Here in Germany writes a journalist, Hendryk Broder, born in Poland, criticising the lefties with a pretty sharp irony; Breivik, as far as I know, quoted him, too in his very large manifesto. But Broder, of course, didn´t give Breivik any support in Breivik´s crime. If you don´t agree with Bill Lind, of course, again, you are free of criticising him, or Broder or anybody else, but, please, stay fair while doing so. If Breivik would have followed Lind (or Broder), his victims would all together be still alive.

  13. He killed those 77 people – because he believed them to be Cultural Marxists, because of William S. Lind.

    It’s his explicit motivation. He stated that the killings were a form of PR for his manifesto – which contains the words of Lind.

  14. I see that we wont find a mutual position, but, may be, a mutual understanding? Breiviks Manifesto contains 1500 pages, that´s almost twice as much as Thomas Manns “Zauberberg”, and even that book is regarded as demanding. (It is one of my favorites, by the way.) So it might be the case that Breivik quoted Lind, but it seems absurd that Lind – or, for our German context, the already mentiones Hendryk Broder – gave an inspiration to commit his crime. If you might consider a more distant example: Robespierre liked to quote Rousseau (among others), but would you say that Rousseau were responsible for the decapitations in Paris? Or the slaughter of the Swiss Guards? And Rousseau definitely was the leading force among the philosophers of enlightment – in contrast to Bill Lind, who, with all his merits, is not the founder of a new philosophical school (and doesn´t pretend being one). So, dear friend, let us stay to different opinions but, reconciled. If you ever might come to Munich, send me a mail, if you like. I would invite you to a meeting in the Hofbräuhaus.

  15. He’s a troll, quite possibly paid.
    I’d recommend not wasting your time and not casting pearls before swine.

  16. I don’t think Lind is a troll. I think he (like you) are all too quick to assume the motivations of the other side.

    One thing I will say for Lind; his comment section is certainly pro-free-speech. That much I can respect.

  17. You are not a very skilled troll, even if not paid you are paid too much.
    I’d say it’s not worth your dignity but you never had any of that in the first place.

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